


Vamp

by Colubrina



Series: Dramione One Shots [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Creature Fic, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, Vampire Hermione Granger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 00:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21109970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colubrina/pseuds/Colubrina
Summary: There are benefits to having a girlfriend who's undead, at least in Draco's opinion.





	Vamp

Food was disgusting. And inefficient. And a waste of resources.

Hermione was going on again, and Draco tuned her out, making ‘mmming’ noises whenever she paused for what he supposed wasn’t breath, exactly, given that she didn’t need to breathe anymore, but habits die hard, and so she still took breaks in her spiels.

There were a lot of people in the world, she went on. A lot. Too many. Did he have any idea what water shortages in third world countries meant?

Draco did not. Nor, to be honest, did he care. She’d promised to keep herself to Muggles and, as far as he knew, she had, and that was all he cared about. Well, that and the sex.

Immortal women who didn’t need sleep turned out to also be nearly insatiable in bed. And on the couch. And the counter. And the floor. And against the wall. And, once, in an elevator at the Ministry.

Ron had walked in on them as he travelled from one part of whatever his tedious and pointless job was to another part, and Draco had had to obliviate the man, and obliviation spells gave him a headache so, alas, no more Ministry adventures. There were limits. A Muggle-born girlfriend? Fine. A vampire Muggle-born girlfriend who was currently asking him if he knew what Kierkegaard would have thought of taking full advantage of one’s place in the food chain? Also fine.

Draco, of course, neither knew nor cared what this Kierkegaard would have thought about justifying vampirism by redefining oneself as an apex predator.

Headaches, however, were not fine. Draco despised headaches. Also, Thai food, laundry, and the way Hermione left blood-soaked wash clothes on the counter in the bathroom after she washed her face. Mostly, however, he despised headaches, and so, despite the way sex in public places and the risk turned him on, they’d stopped because every few times he’d had to obliviate someone and Hermione always selfishly refused to do it. 

She justified that using Kierkegaard too.

Blaise had asked once what he found so appealing in the woman. “She’s a vampire, Draco,” the man had said. “Not sure how that happened, but generally, vampires are bad news. And, worse, she lectured me on something about truth and subjectivity for almost an hour one night while you were fussing with your hair.”

“She’s perfect,” Draco had said with a dreamy sigh, watching the magnetic woman smile her toothy smile at some idiot across the room. “She’s brilliant and, oh Merlin, the flexibility you get when you’re undead, and we don’t even need to use contraceptive charms.”

“You,” Blaise had said, “are just being led around by your cock.”

“I know,” Draco had replied. “Isn’t it great?”

He cut her off now, mid-sentence. “I found a new Muggle bistro,” he said. “Great French food and an alley in the back where the wait-staff take smoke breaks.”

“Win-win,” she said and licked her teeth in anticipation. “As long as you agree with my point on - “

Draco raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll get my bag,” she said, conceding that she knew he hadn’t listened to a word she’d said. “I’ve been peckish all afternoon.”

“I can tell,” he said. “Hunger always makes you talkative. The bathroom doors lock, too. Or so Theo reports.”

“Definitely win-win,” she said with relish as they left for dinner.


End file.
